I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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