WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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