she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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