just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
