Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
