Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
