woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
