Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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