I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
