watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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