i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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