Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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