Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
