It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
