dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
