She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
