Already got asked if we're dating
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
