If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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