yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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