do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
