i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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