Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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