The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
