this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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