I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize