The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
