My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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