Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
