So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
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