you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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