I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
