It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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