I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
