What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
