On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
