Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
