i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
