how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
