I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
