You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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