Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
