Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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