wanna go halves on a baby?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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