Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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