I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
