brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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