I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
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