no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
