So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
