Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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