I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
