Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
