DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
