remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
