just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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