I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
