You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I know her cup size but not her name....
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
