What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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