i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
