So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
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