It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize