Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
