I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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