wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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