her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
