Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
