he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
