Can Purell be used as lube?
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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