and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
