I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
