It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I will die if light touches me.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
